Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Jiggle All The Way

        Last night I went for my first run....did not go as planned. I had a mini movie in my head of me taking off running out of the driveway pushing my awesome new stroller and happily returning (still running) a mile or two later. Apparently I was smoking crack when that vison came to me! I did take off running out of the driveway, but less than half way down our block I noticed some major jiggling up top. I realized I wasn't wearing my sports bra. GREAT! I decided to keep going and stop and change when I came back around the block. But the boob jiggle wasn't an issue for long because after 20 more steps I couldn't breath! Wonderful, I can only run 3/4 of our block. Note to self, teach Ryland how to call 911 this week. So I walked back to the house breathing like I was in labor (I knew YouTube Lamaze would come in handy one day!), slowly changed bras so I could catch my breathe, and returned to the stroller. This time I walked out of the drive and kissed my pride good bye. Here I was with running clothes, shoes, and stroller WALKING! like an out-of-shape old lady. This is worse than I thought. After I had almost walked the whole neighborhood I was passed by a woman running who looked like she could eat me and my stroller. Oh H E Double Hockey Sticks NO! I'm going to believe that was God giving me a big dose of motivation and saying "Get your lazy pathetic big butt in gear!" That was all I needed, I started running (but not till she had almost made it around the cornor so if I passed out she couldn't point and laugh) and ran about 1/4 of the block when I noticed more jiggling. I think I need to wear my spanx (best invention ever, hands down!) when I run. Oh good grief, this is gross! Right now my high school body me is putting duct tape over my mouth so I cant eat and throwing an all out temper tantrum declaring my body a national state of disaster. I thought to myself, "Well at least it cant get worse". HA HA HA. Famous last words, you would think I would know not to say that anymore but I'm awfully hard headed. By the end of the block I quit running. Not because I was lazy or tired (that's a lie I was tired) but for my safety. Allowing my thighs to rub together that fast might catch my panties on fire. Its official. I'm a walking (not running, I'm too out of shape) ad for Lipo. If you have a flag, please fly it at half mast for me, this is a tragedy of epic proportion. But I think this ego crushing experience was good for me, now I am a woman on a mission. Hell hath no furry like a skinny woman trying to break out of the fat woman who ate her. So whats the lesson learned here? Remember the sports bra, 2 year olds are old enough to call 911, and always have an oxygen tank and fire extinguisher in the basket of the stroller.
Have a Blessed Day ~ Lauren


  1. Ha ha... LOVE IT! For what it's worth.. walking is better for your body and you can achieve the same results as running and do less damage to your body (and no...I'm not talking about black-eyes from not wearing a sports bra).. LOL.. not to mention.. these strollers..ie..Running strollers.. are all just fine for people that have been running for sometime... they restrict the natural actions of running... so.. Take it easy... Walk first..... build up you distance while walking...this will tone up the other areas so you wont get a ticket for setting fires during a Burn Ban in Williamson County.. Hang in there! or is that Hang on? Good for you...

  2. I laughed out loud reading this (in the middle of naptime where I work!). I can completely relate to the panties catching on fire! =) Keep it up girl!